So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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