If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
