OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
