Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
