That reminds me...we need to get swords
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
