I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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