I'm really into asian looking animals
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
