Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's rum buckets o'clock
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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