So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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