As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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