I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
