Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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