Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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