the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
