I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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