this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
