I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
