$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize