Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
