Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
