My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
