We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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