She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
