I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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