So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
