Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
