Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
