we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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