I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
