he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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