Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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