non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
