dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize