So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
