Ambien. No doubt about it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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