if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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