just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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