We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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