Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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