Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
