i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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