Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
