hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
