you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
