His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
