A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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