Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
