I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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