Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize