It's like a parade of train wrecks.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
