Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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