The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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