the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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