"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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