porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
