You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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