tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
