all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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