She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
