why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
