maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
