Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
