biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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