the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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