I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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