OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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