xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
