Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
