It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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