I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
